somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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