ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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