I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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