She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
