so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
