Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
