The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
