I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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