You really coming over, don't trick.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
