Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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