My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
