I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
