so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
