This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i think i have two assholes
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I am naked and annoyed.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
