Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize