I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
