i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
