omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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