some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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