I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
