I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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