Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
