Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm going to jail i love you
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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