Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
