Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
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