then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think I won the penis lottery.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
