I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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