How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
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I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
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Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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