I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I miss vodka workout Fridays
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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