I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
