Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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