I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
