turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
