You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
