I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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