I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
