I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
