I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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