so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
