You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
