There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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