I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
