i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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