a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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