there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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