A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
