Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
