I like my sex mixed with concussions.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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