I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
