I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
