He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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