3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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