If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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