Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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