you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
