just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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