That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
