I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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