we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My vagina is officially offended.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
