made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
