To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
