i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
