just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
