why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
