There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
