Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
