I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
