i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
