We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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