you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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