Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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