Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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