What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
