I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
