My pussy is not your playground.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
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Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
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Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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