Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
