my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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