I met the friendliest cop last night
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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