I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
