Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
