yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
